Gaslighting is an insidious type of psychological abuse. Though it is most common in dating and marriage relationships, it can also be used to manipulate and gain power over friends, family members, and in some cases co-workers.
The purpose is to breakdown self-worth and cause a person, or even a group, to question what is real. The techniques are subtle and cumulative which means it can be hard to detect until you are so affected by it that you feel powerless to take action. There are many signs, but here are 5 to be aware of: 1. Blatantly lies - and sticks to their story even when you can prove they are lying. This often gets worse over time. 2. Challenges things you know you remember – retells how something happened or what was said, twisting the facts causing you to second-guess the truth. 3. Accuses you of being too sensitive - generally trivializing your genuine, reasonable feelings; saying things like “calm down” or “You’re overreacting”. Overtime, you even begin to question why you are so sensitive or difficult. 4. Blames you – sometimes for things the gas lighter is secretly doing like cheating, lying, controlling, manipulating, etc. Other times, for causing their bad behavior. 5. Uses positive reinforcement - usually for things that benefit the gas lighter, but the apparent kindness creates more confusion; a persistent “reasonable doubt” that maybe things aren't as bad as you had imagined. Gaslighting is particularly dangerous because it can affect anyone, even those with healthy a self-esteem. Learning to identify the red flags can help you avoid or shut down a relationship with a gas lighter and regain a healthy identity.
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