You're Not A Slave To Your Emotions

Emotions often feel immediate and uncontrollable; “That’s just how I feel - I can’t change it!”.

But science tells us that a human goes through 4 steps to reach an emotion. Studies show that what we call emotions are actually a direct result of our thoughts. They are interpretations of our perception; they aren’t even necessarily based on our actual situation - only what we think of our situation.

STEP 1

We have a meaningful experience, what psychologists refer to as an Activating Event, such as a disagreement, a job interview, or some close-call, and an emotion begins.

STEP 2

Our brain evaluates that experience using our individual belief system, expectations, personal needs, and even past experiences. We use this Cognitive Appraisal to quickly decide what the experience means.

STEP 3

We engage in some form of Self-Talk which reinforces our interpretation of the experience.

STEP 4

And da-ta, we’ve produced and are able to feel a full Emotion.

Of course, there are biological and physiological factors at work, too. For example, brain research shows that the amygdala affects our ability to accurately assess danger and suggests a link between more intense feelings of happiness or sadness and whether a person has more activity in their left or right brain. Studies even support the idea that activating certain muscles in our face, like those used to produce a smile, can prompt an emotion. Our physiology seems to play a role in how strong or how long we feel emotions, but still can influence what we feel.

Regardless of whether we take a biological or cognitive approach to our emotional life, it is important to remember that we have some influence over the way our emotions develop over time. Knowing that we guide our emotions, and not the other way around, empowers us to develop them in such a way that they do not interfere with our ability to communicate with others effectively or leave us feeling powerless, isolated, and alone.