Imagine, at work, a colleague asks, "Have you seen Jane - she's not at her desk?"
Assuming you're busy with your own work & truly don't know, you respond, with a side glance and murmur, "Who knows?"
Despite your admission that you simply don't know where Jane is, what message was likely just sent about her.
At worst, Jane is irresponsible and inconsistent- there's no way to guess what she may be up to. At best, wherever she is, it's not at her desk, and right now, that makes her annoying.
Now imagine instead that when you're asked about Jane, you make eye contact and say, "She's probably taking care of something; she is usually right back."
This time, your matter-of-fact but upbeat tone likely sent the message that Jane is responsible and industrious; whatever she's doing is important and she'll return when she's done.
Whether we are referring to a co-worker, a child, or a spouse, each time we speak about them is an opportunity to tear them down or build them up. Unfortunately, communication is rarely just neutral.
When we're not careful, we can sow doubt and chip away at someone's reputation.
When we are careful about what we say, and how we say it, we can send messages that build confidence and positivity that reflect well on others and ourselves.