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Writer's pictureKristie Polk

Discipline or Reward?

Updated: Nov 8, 2021


Many years ago, when my children were just out of toddlerhood, I was experimenting with sending a misbehaving child to their room. Since they were still young, the separation didn’t last long but it was enough to demonstrate that a poor attitude would not be allowed to infect the rest of the home.


I suddenly became very aware of my own attitude. It was gentle reminder to be purposeful about my disposition so that being out of my presence was not a reward instead of discipline. Was I practicing hypocrisy as I counseled my children on the importance of a good attitude? Was I demonstrating those same principles I was expecting from my kids? That lesson never left me.


“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you”. Philippians 4:8-9

The truth was that if I was holding on to frustration or bitterness, if I was nagging, complaining, or threatening, or always finding fault, or even if I just had a foul disposition, then being away from me could become an unintentional reward - The ultimate backfire!


I wanted our home to be pleasant and for time with their family to a good and positive thing; something to be missed if they were denied for a time. I saw my responsibility in setting the tone and modeling FOR them what I wanted to see FROM them.


My realization that day didn’t mean that I never had weak moments or fell into bad habits, but it does mean that God had begun to hold me to the standard I was holding my own kids to and his gentleness and kindness toward me was a powerful example for me to follow as I continued to train up my children. It was right to have expectations and to hold positive standards. But I needed to do it with honesty and humility.

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