Understanding that true freedom requires limits is an important step in creating healthy mental, physical, and emotional environments at work, at home, and within ourselves.
A lack of boundaries creates resentment, frustration, and even fear. Think of the mental paralysis you experience just looking at a blank white page when you’ve been told to write something, anything. Your brain scans and explores and ultimately begs for a starting point, just a suggestion of a topic or a purpose - a boundary.
Many of us have a strange relationship with the idea of freedom though. If we believe that true freedom implies no constraints, we may be setting ourselves up for deep unhappiness and internal chaos that can lead to mental anguish.
On the other hand, boundaries allow us to operate in love and generosity. They allow us to give freely with genuine compassion and practice empathy with our whole heart. They provide a framework for honest, open relationship and meaningful work. They allow us to be our best self and they afford others that ability, too.
Professor and author Brené Brown defines boundaries as simply determining “what’s okay and what’s not okay” in your relationships and commitments.
In an interview about boundaries, Brown says this:
“My question is big, B.I.G. – What BOUNDARIES need to be in place for me to stay in my INTEGRITY and make the most GENEROUS assumptions about you? But generosity cannot exist without boundaries”.
The same way that a river cannot be a river without the banks, we cannot be the best version of ourselves without boundaries.
If there are areas of your life in disorder, try these quick strategies to help you begin to set healthy boundaries:
1. Get to know yourself clearly – your value, who you are, where you stand
2. Get honest with your words – say what you mean and mean what you say
3. Get the courage to say no – trust yourself when you feel like you need to back away from something or someone
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